the more i think about it, the more upset i'm getting. and its not the wtf, i hate you kinda upset. its just a quiet hurting. i know i shouldn't think about it, and i shouldn't let it affect me. cos its not gonna help anything. but while i can pretend i'm fine and nothing's e matter.. i can't possibly keep silent for so many days. and knowing me, it'll prob just blow up if i keep it in. guh. this was my biggest fear when it all happened. i'd have hoped that few months would have meant abit more than this yeah. and i feel like such a fool for being so excited and doing so much. but its fine, if my fears really are unfounded.

i'm so dead tired. its not even funny.